Girl A or Girl B?

November 14, 2008

If anyone ever doubted that I was a geek, this will be the clincher.

I was recently posed a riddle by Bea. She asked me for an answer but didn’t expect a two page essay.

Follow the jump

Who to love?

Question posed: I am in love with a girl (Girl A) and lose my memory (via falling off a cliff). I meet girl B who I fall in love with. Sometime later, Girl A re-enters my life, and I have to choose between the two.

Before I can answer, we have to qualify a few things. We have to assume that both the girls are truly in love with me. For one of them to be unsure would make this not a question of love, but instead trying to pick the “right” girl. That’s an argument for another time. Also, there must not be any negative situation instigated by choosing one girl over the other, except for the obvious disappointment of the girl not chosen. For example, picking one girl does not harm the health of another, or anger a friend, etc. In other words, there can be no externalities. Also, the decision must be entirely mine. Not that of a friend or a family member. Love can’t be selected by the outside.

With these assumptions true, it can be truly considered a question of which girl to love. We can’t compare the love of the two, a contest between A and B to see who will love you the most, as they love you equally. Maybe A and B have different aspects that are liked, and different differences and similarities with me, but neither is exceedingly better than the other in ‘connection’.

If one is to believe in fate, it could be argued that Girl A was meant to be forgotten, and girl B was meant to be met. This means that either destiny, God, or some other causality desired me to be placed in a position to choose. In this context, girl B could be seen as a test against the love of girl A. Girl A was my first and true love, and Girl B is merely a test that I should pass and prove my love for A through. Through this line of reasoning, it is logical to pick Girl A. It could be that Girl A’s reappearance in to my life is a test of the new love for Girl B, and I shouldn’t be distracted from ghosts of the past, and should stay with the new girl B. Further, logically if both options are exactly equal the answer may be to choose neither. In doing this, however, I would be neglecting the feelings of both the girls, and myself. From an almost economic view, this answer, choosing neither, minimizes the utility, as it hurts the most people. But there is no way to maximize utility, no matter which girl is chosen, one will be hurt. As such, the outcome will always be 2 happy (me plus one girl) with one unhappy (the not-chosen girl), or 3 unhappy, with myself being unhappy, as well as the two girls.

If the time between the memory loss and the return of girl A is great enough, it can be said that I should choose girl B. Girl A would have been used to not being with me, whereas Girl B and I had never been separated. In this way, it can be seen that Girl A has had the most time to heal and move on, and the pain felt would be lesser than girl B who would be freshly torn away for me.

An option, probably one of the least plausible, but most pleasant, is to turn the decision over to the girls. Girl A and B will decide which girl I should choose. This option removes responsibility from me as the determiner, but introduces the unpleasant notion of the two girls fighting. At the same time it weakens my position in the matter, making me appear to be uncaring, unconnected, etc.

To explore the option best for me, I will list my three rules of life:
Do it for the story
Do the least to get the most, but don’t do it the easy way
Everything will eventually work out in the long run

The situation in itself is enough of a story for any man. It is obvious that the situation will work out, as something will happen, and time will heal any wounds that had already happened.

The rule to apply then is the rule of not taking the easy way out. The easy way could be viewed as to pick girl A, as she is the original safe choice of the angles explored above. This would mean I should pick girl B. However, I submit that the easy way is to decide at all.

Who would I pick?

I would walk up to girl A (alone), and ask her why she loves me.

I would walk up to girl B (alone), and ask her why she loves me.

I would kiss girl A.

I would kiss girl B.

I would tell them both that I am not worth the trouble, the pain, or the frustration of being their lover, and that I choose neither.

And the girl that realizes that I am being sarcastic is the girl that I choose.

Why? For someone to truly love me, understand me, and enjoy my company, is someone who realizes that I will spend the time to think about, plan, calculate, and joke about a situation such as this. The girl who can tell when I’m making a joke of even the most terrible situation, and laugh, is the girl that I can laugh with. And to love is to share a connection. Both girls and I are sharing in pain already, so all that is needed is the laughter for the connection. The easy way is to want to avoid the pain. The better way is to tackle it head on, and present the pain of rejection to both, and see from which the good comes forth. Whichever is the more difficult answer is the answer that should be chosen, as we reap what we sww in life. Our labor yields better results when we work harder.

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