The Journey North

March 28, 2007

This week, and next, I’ll be spending a lot of time in Seattle. I’m leaving Thursday for Model UN, where I’m President McKinley, and T.i.e is Teddy. We’ll have a blast. Starting wars, ending wars, blowing up Cuba. It’ll be just like the old days. I’ll come home for a few days, and then return to Seattle for SakuraCon. A convention involving Anime, hidden drunks, and scary people.

As dictated by my coming-of-age ritual, I applied to some colleges in February. Also dictated by tradition, I waited until the deadline to submit the applications. Regardless they all went through and I got my replies. Here are some brief analysis’s of what they had to say.

First was University of Portland:

  • Dear Tyler, I regret to inform you that we can’t let you in. We review your credentials and decided that although your academics aren’t half-bad, we saw that you registered as a Lutheran. That’s just not acceptable. We’d understand if you were a Jew. Jew’s just don’t get that Jesus was God’s little boy, and that’s how it is. They can be reformed. You, however, broke away from us. You went against the POPE. HOW DARE YOU?! #^$&*@! Lutheran’s don’t even use your own rituals and hymns, you just copy ours. Except incense. How can you NOT do that?! Look at how much money we get from Indulgences too. Learn basic economics.
  • We digress. You are forever placed in purgatory. If, by some chance those who did get in choose not to pay us, and we have NO idea why they wouldn’t. They already pay us on Sunday’s anyway, then you can take their spot. Maybe. The Reformation is still fresh in our minds.
  • Next time, try and get ALL 5’s and a 4.0. Alright? I mean seriously. 3.656, what is that? That’s what I pay for gas, not a GPA.

Next was Lewis and Clark College:

  • Dear Tyler, We are very sorry that we cannot accept you. There were, like, totally tons of people who applied, and you’re a pretty cool kat, but they’re cooler. However, if you REALLY want, you can ask to be put on our wait list. Yeah, I know som’ other colleges do it automagically, but we’re sweet, so we don’t. IF by a miracle you reply to we who rejectedish you, then you could totally get a spot. We’ll just let you know by, June 30th at the latest.
  • We’re aware that this seems kind of late, but we don’t really care. You can deal with it. We COULD let you know by May 1st to 15th, but we’ll see. You probably have other deadlines you have to reply by, and this is after that, but hey, that’s life right? We say you should WAIT and see. Haha.
  • Lutheran’s are ok, but you know what’s cooler? Organic food. That shit rocks.
  • Try Early Decision next time. I mean, we already make you stress enough, so just do it even earlier in the year before you really have time to think and decide.

And finally I received a big envelope from Seattle University:

  • Dear Tyler, you totally rocked our socks off. Talking about the internet and shit? And free-market, and net neutrality? That’s like, sweet. Would you care to join us, we noted you were interested in economics.
  • Yeah you’re a smelly Lutheran, but we’ll deal. Plus, our church is TIGHT, all old and wood, you gotta check it out
  • There is a catch man, you need to pass your classes. None of that ‘Senioritis’ stuff. K Thx

And there is where I stand!
On the off chance my college runs across this post, please do realize that this is in jest and satire. SU, or 1% LC, here I come! Look out Seattle (or Portland), I make a mean Top Ramen, and I know how to handle a mouse.

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